Author: barryjmcleod

Culturally Conditioned

Here are my latest musings

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Having lived in another country for several years was an eye opening experience for us as a family. To be the ones in the minority to some degree was a bit of a new experience to say the least. It came as a bit of shock to the senses just like the snow we experienced a few weeks ago (who ever signed off on that should be fired). The shock was not so much about the fact that the “others” around us who were different from us created the dominant cultural reality but that in fact we had a culture ourselves.

The previous may seem like an odd statement to make but the reality is when we are inside of our resident culture we do not readily make an assessment of it as a culture. Further to my point we don’t tend to recognize that we are evaluating the merits…

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Culturally Conditioned

Having lived in another country for several years was an eye opening experience for us as a family. To be the ones in the minority to some degree was a bit of a new experience to say the least. It came as a bit of shock to the senses just like the snow we experienced a few weeks ago (who ever signed off on that should be fired). The shock was not so much about the fact that the “others” around us who were different from us created the dominant cultural reality but that in fact we had a culture ourselves.

The previous may seem like an odd statement to make but the reality is when we are inside of our resident culture we do not readily make an assessment of it as a culture. Further to my point we don’t tend to recognize that we are evaluating the merits of our culture due to cultural conditioning towards it from within it. One rarely possesses the knowledge of having or coming from a particular culture until you live in another that is unlike your very own.

This really should not come as a surprise to us at. We see it played out around us all the time. I see it in the sporting world when many from North America can’t seem to understand why the “beautiful game” is the world’s most popular game and not Football – the North American version. Or we even see it as we in Canada pass judgement on the race relations of our neighbours to the south when we have so much to look at in our own national mirror.

I do think, however, this is becoming less and less an issue as we often hear the term “global citizens” bandied about more and more in our day. I am certain we could enumerate a few very good reasons for this if we put our minds to it; travel, trade, individual’s tastes, the transient global community, etc. But on the other hand I continue to see this in ways that affect us all and I think we need to challenge one another regularly to continue to see negative and unhelpful cultural biases eliminated.

I was reminded of this again when having a conversation with one of my neighbours who is from a much different part of the world that I honestly cannot relate to. He told me where he was from which sparked a robust political conversation about a significant conflict in our world today. It was absolutely eye opening to hear his perspectives – ones that I honestly don’t hold currently nor can I readily due to the aforementioned cultural conditioning. Whether he is right and I am wrong is not really the issue. The point is actually that there are other positions on the matter. And to at least hear these positions and stances is likely a good way to begin. It may actually be that we are both right a little and that listening and being heard go hand in hand and that the creation of dialogue is a pathway we need to tread a bit more often.

Let me suggest a practical step or two. Don’t accept uncritically everything you hear or read in or from singular major news sources of the day, read or listen to different perspectives on a regular basis. But better yet – strike up a conversation with someone who sees the world different than you. Maybe its a neighbour you see regularly but never have thought you could ask their perspective due to the colour of their skin. What about that family down the street that you are certain come from a different faith perspective than you – I suspect they would welcome the opportunity.

The key I think is to be open and humble and too not respond like you have been offended as soon as they adopt a perspective that goes “against the grain” of cultural centric conditioning. And best not to bring up whether it is Football or Soccer. I’m pretty sure that one is settled it’s……

Until next time.

Follow me on Twitter: @barryjmcleod

Beyond Summer

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Beyond Summer

Summer is a gift in our corner of the world and nothing restores the soul quite like a walk at 9 at night with the sun still suspended in the evening sky like it’s been pinned there just for you or lazing around the campfire preparing the perfect s’more. My personal favourite is watching dragon flies hover and then dive bomb like Apache helicopters on vengeful manic missions to destroy the mosquito masses – sorry, I got carried away a bit there.

Have you ever wondered how and why this happens? I’m not asking why we afford ourselves of the opportunity to binge on the bounty our revolving seasonal reality provides. “How’s your summer been” becomes the ubiquitous opening line in conversations that arise as we make our way back to work, bump into each other in the hallway or around coffee machines and water coolers. There is…

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Beyond Summer

Beyond Summer

Summer is a gift in our corner of the world and nothing restores the soul quite like a walk at 9 at night with the sun still suspended in the evening sky like it’s been pinned there just for you or lazing around the campfire preparing the perfect s’more. My personal favourite is watching dragon flies hover and then dive bomb like Apache helicopters on vengeful manic missions to destroy the mosquito masses – sorry, I got carried away a bit there.

Have you ever wondered how and why this happens? I’m not asking why we afford ourselves of the opportunity to binge on the bounty our revolving seasonal reality provides. “How’s your summer been” becomes the ubiquitous opening line in conversations that arise as we make our way back to work, bump into each other in the hallway or around coffee machines and water coolers. There is an expectation that something is captured in this season that may elude us the remainder of the year. The questions remains however – is it reasonable to expect that it is enough to sustain us beyond summer?

I don’t bring this up now in some sort of attempt to snap us back into the reality that Christmas is coming. Sorry for that! We are Canadian and we get it and if you are new to Canada – welcome to our great city and country. You should be commended for your choice and I can’t wait to meet you but regretfully this wont last.

So is “it” enough? Perhaps the more pressing issue is; what is the “it” ? I really don’t believe “it” is warmer weather, camping, fishing, golf, long walks, picnics or whatever you find yourself doing more of in this season that you don’t, cant or won’t do in February. I strongly suspect that what this does to us and in us is bring some sense of inner equilibrium that we desperately need. You could say it quenches a thirst or scratches an itch we were not aware of until it sneaks up and makes its presence readily apparent.

We all desperately need balance in our lives whether we know it or not and summer provides the opportunity of an elixir for the malady of imbalance we gravitate towards. But even if one lived in a perpetually summer-like environment all the necessary conditions for internal imbalance still exist. Nature teaches us this consistently: water the lawn it grows, forget to water the Petunias and they die, walk the dog and she is content, get some sun and you feel better. I contend a balanced life increases our capacity to enjoy the gift of seasonal variety and change to an even greater degree.

I have a certain perspective as one who advises and challenges people in their spiritual lives and growth but also believe firmly that true balance is a mufti-faceted issue that can only be addressed in holistic ways. This is the old issue of what you put in will determine what you get out and we all need consistency when it comes to the “in” because life never stops taking “out”.

We all are in need of “in”put in our relational, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves. Our seasons may create some impediments at times but they are not insurmountable nor should we see them as restrictive or constrictive. Let’s use different phraseology like opportunity, possibility or potentiality beyond summer. You get the idea.

Until next time….

Twitter: @barryjmcleod

Email: mail@barryjmcleod.com

What if?

I don’t spend a bunch of money at the hairdresser these days. Truth be told I never really have. I know what springs out from the top of my head is likely to grow back and frankly have never really got too worked up if my less than perfect locks were a bit out of alignment. I know there will come a day that I look back at old family photos and have follically fond recollections but for now I’m safe.

Hair is the ultimate “do over” (not to be confused with the never in vogue “comb over”). Your hairdresser can mess up big time and leave you looking like a member of the circa 1980’s band Flock of Seagulls and in no time at all you can be back to normal. Too bad that so many of our other mistakes in life wont grow away like that.

As I get older I think one of the most challenging things is to not allow one’s self to spend an inordinate amount of energy and time reminiscing about what might have been or agonizing over “what if” scenarios. The reality is that our errors in judgement, poor choices, painful moments and even our misplaced and misguided fashion choices create who we are. Our bumps and bruises, stars and scars, the things we wish we could remember more and the things we long to forget are all part of what makes me me and you you.

I suppose the trick in all of this is to try to build our tomorrows on yesterday’s highs and lows and somehow come out a bit stronger and wiser or perhaps a better wife, husband, brother, sister, lover…..
Sounds a bit thin doesn’t it? But I do think it is possible and I suspect most of us, if we are honest could come up with a list that would be inspiring and helpful to most of us and likely we would see some deeply common realities. Things like honesty, respect, care for others and the world around us, forgiveness, patience, laugh more, smell the flowers and on and on we could go.

If your are like me our grand altruistic intentions and actions, like the aforementioned, get lost in the trying and living and so often just fall by the proverbial wayside. Could it be that, even though we could all pretty much agree these are noble and worthy pursuits, that sometimes what we really need is just a simple realignment of attitude and perspective?

African American poet, writer, actor, Maya Angelou who passed away just over a month ago said; “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

What if every time you or I had a “what If” or an “if only” moment we made a conscious choice to treasure the now. Could that not only change our own attitudes but perhaps begin to rub off on those around us? I suspect that list a few paragraphs above would get a wee bit easier to enact. I’m not suggesting blind, dispassionate acceptance of all that is that isn’t what it should be. Rather I am suggesting that life now offers us so much and what a fool’s errand to spend one’s time longing and reminiscing only.

Look back and be thankful – sure. Remember and regret on occasion – I do. Look forward and be hopeful and long for – absolutely! But certainly there is an admonition we all need to heed from time to time to look now and see what you can see that leaves you breathless – fantastic!

What if you could go back from your now to your then and have some do overs? You wouldn’t fit in – your hair would give you away. If you want proof ask to see my old wedding pics some day – what was I thinking.

Live well now!

My “Stupid” Friends

I have a bit of trouble answering a question that often gets asked in those first few awkward conversational moments meeting a new neighbor , co-worker or any other casual acquaintance who cares to dig a bit deeper – the question of origin – “where is home for you”?

Home is a bit of an ambiguous thought for me as my family and I have had the privilege of living in multiple locations.  If you ask me where I grew up I can answer that pretty succinctly.  If the nature of your query is about where I go home for the holidays, I have a bit more trouble with that because, as is the reality for us all, home never stays the same because the details change.   Parents grow old and pass on; siblings move away, the family business changes hands or the family “home” gets sold.  Sound familiar? Too much time spent reminiscing in this direction can leave one longing for a past that may actually not have been quite as rosy as remembered.

If you reflect long enough to peel back the layers and clear out the cranial cobwebs one begins to land on a few transferable and common themes.  Most often it will be relationships and the people around us that create the shoreline coming into view on an otherwise foggy and overcast lake.  To extend the metaphor a bit further; we may float away for a time, paddle in a different direction and even go through seasons of uncharted seas but eventually we will seek land and when we do it is friendship that helps us find our footing and solid ground.

As mentioned earlier my family and I have had the opportunity to live in several different places throughout the years and have made amazing friends in those locations. In fact when we think of those various places we have been fortunate enough to hang our hats for a season we most often talk about the people, our friendships and the characters that give texture to place.

We have had the experience of looking in the rear view mirror and being incredibly thankful for good friends.  With that comes another question – one that leads to a deeper level of reflection and self analysis than we may be completely comfortable with. The question is this: would those people with whom our rear view mirror is filled give the same reflective analysis of their experience with me? In other words what I am asking is have I been a good friend?

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it this way; “the only way to have a friend is to be one”.  I think that one of the obvious and telling aspects of what categorizes true and deep friendship is whether or not they are reciprocal in nature.  Perhaps Emerson would agree but I suspect that if we spent more time refining the art of being a friend now we would look to the future with something more akin to hope not a longing for a past.   And the irony of this reality is that when one lives that way we end up with “old friends” now.  And to quote Emerson again; “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them”

Be a good friend and here’s hoping all your “stupid” isn’t in the rear view mirror!

Public Life and the Public House

Lets be honest – we live in a city that hibernates for a good portion of the year.  We stay indoors and consume copious amounts of Netflix, engage ruefully in watching our Oilers miss the playoffs again and gravitate towards inactivity all the while trying to stave off those proverbial winter blues.  How did that work out for you? Ready for spring?

I am firmly convinced that if we are to be people, families and individuals who live well and who give back to the neighborhoods in which we live that some new rhythms will be required.  We need to find ways and means to live better publicly out as contributors  and less privately in as consumers. Opportunities abound year round in our fair city for us to get out and engage life around us but this time of year provides exponentially more opportunities to do so.  There are public markets, festivals, food trucks, walking tours, bike paths, play grounds, public pools and great coffee shops just a short walk away.

Let me suggest that instead of viewing this coming season less in terms of being sandwiched between winter and … well … more winter that we see it as an opportunity to develop a sense of place and purpose. You and I can start by actually doing that thing or getting to that event that you have always wanted to but somehow the season slipped away on you. Why not make a list? If not an actual list then a mental one of the 5 or 6 things that you said you would do when the weather permits or when summer rolls around and actually get out and do it.

Better yet get out with friends or family or get out and make some new friends. Then take it a step further by looking for ways to get personally engaged. Volunteerism tends to recreate views about belonging, ownership and value as we see ourselves as being co-creators and co-contributors towards healthy civic life and great neighbourhoods.

Then let me suggest that when the snow flies again, sorry, that you continue with this new habit and learn to love this city and all that it offers year round and not just seasonally.

So lets get started shall we?

Tonight my wife and I are going to take one of those short walks up the street and get out and check out a brand new Public House that is adding a layer of value to the Public life of our neighborhood.  Perhaps we will see you there?

Til next time – Barry

 

“Few things are more pleasant than a village graced with a good church, a good priest and a good pub” ~ John Hillaby